A Christmas Story
by soapyjoes
Summary: Justin and Becca their first Christmas is approaching...
1. Chapter 1

Justin pulled his collar up and hunched his shoulders against the cold. The door had slammed shut behind him, but her words were still ringing, shrew like, in his ears. He made his way along the path not sure where he was going but determined not to return till she'd calmed down. It was dark, cold but clear, he could see frost sparkling on the pavement and a couple of times he stumbled and slipped on the icy coating. The jacket he wore was inadequate against the cold but they had no money to spare to replace his old one. Every penny was accounted for, rent, food, bills, baby equipment...He'd never realised just how much one tiny thing needed but Becca assured him it was all necessary. Even if it meant they ate beans for a week, paid on the red reminders and generally went without. As to a social life, life was just a daily grind of school, shifts at Il Gnosh and the welcome oblivion of sleep. Realising he'd walked as far as the village, he slowed and looked in the windows, Gnosh was filled with Christmas shoppers, bags at their feet enjoying a coffee before heading home, he could almost feel the cheer wafting out onto the pavement; he moved on, Drive n' Buy was busy, windows filled with latest offers and last minute gifts. He'd squirreled Becca's awayunder their bed, he grinned, even if she suspected where it was there was no way she could get down there to look. He'd managed to find her something special, his share of the tips plus Tony in an unusually benevolent mood giving them all a Christmas bonus, covering it. He knew she would shake her head at the extravagance but this was their first real Christmas together and he wanted it to be unforgettable, although it would probably be that for all the wrong reasons. He scowled as he thought about their living arrangements, a bed-sit in the seedier side of town wasn't what they'd planned but the swiftness with which the building society had dispossessed them of the flat had left no time for flat hunting. Their meagre income gave no leeway either on their choice of property. Nancy had urged them to come with her home to Becca's mum, confess all and stay there but surprisingly Becca had refused. He blotted out memories of the day they left, Foz proving surprisingly kind and turning up with a mate and a transit to move their stuff, Becca's utter despair after she handed the keys to the estate agent, and finally alone in their tiny new home, her tears. Jake had made himself scarce whenever she'd asked him to help with the flat, pleading with Frankie it was in both their interests to keep up the payments. Frankie had been unsympathetic and unhelpful even telling her it was her just desserts. He vowed one day he'd get even with the Deans, with Jake, he kicked viciously at a stone in his path and scowled. One more score to settle; during a heated discussion about Jake's non contribution to the mortgage, Becca had let slip something that had raised his suspicions about the day Jake had discovered the affair. Through careful questioning of Nancy, insinuating he knew, he'd managed to glean enough to know Jake had threatened Becca, got physical and only her giving up his name had saved her from being beaten. It was a testament to his new found willpower that he hadn't tracked the bastard down there and then, no, he was waiting for an opportunity then Jake Dean beware he thought, you'll never know what's hit you. He carried on walking and found himself by the Dog, music and laughter spilling out every time the door swung open, he was tempted but what could he achieve? Being thrown out by Jack for being underage wasn't high on his list of priorities, no, this needed careful planning and opportunity, Dean could wait. He turned on his heel and retraced his steps, he'd no idea how long he'd been out but surely she'd have calmed down by now? All he knew was recently she'd been on such a short fuse it was difficult to recognise her as the fun loving, desirable woman of their afternoon trysts. He'd realised once they went public things would never be the same but he hadn't bargained on things being so different; he thought back to that last afternoon together before Mandy's dramatic intervention had changed everything. It had achieved perfect status in his memory, a high point by which he judged everything else they 'd done and nothing so far had come close, if anything it all seemed to be slipping away. He was determined even if their surroundings weren't perfect then Christmas itself would be, they'd get back on track and the new addition would be the icing on the cake. He hadn't given much thought to the baby, it was a constant in their lives but something abstract, something they worked towards, now it was nearly here and he didn't know what he really felt. Sure he'd convinced mum and the twins about his desire to be a dad, he thought he'd convinced Becca but had he convinced himself?


	2. Chapter 2

It was late when he finally stood once more outside the front door; the house was divided in four bed-sits, the two upstairs sharing a bathroom but luckily the downstairs had proved big enough for the landlord to include a tiny bathroom in each. It also gave him the excuse to charge more but Becca tired and tearful was in no mood to quibble after an exhausting day of inspecting and discarding smaller and less salubrious places. He reached in his pocket for the key but at that moment the door opened and one of the monosyllabic neighbours from upstairs held the door for him and grunted some kind of observation. "Ta mate!" he replied He reckoned on that covering a multitude of possible questions. He opened the door to their room but it was quiet and dark. At first he thought she too had left to cool off but as he eyes became accustomed to the gloom he could see the shape of her body under the covers of their bed. "Becca?" he whispered, she didn't reply but her body moved slightly indicating that she was still awake. He undressed in the dark and climbed in beside her, her body was warm and he curled close to it, thawing from his sojourn outside. "Becca? I'm sorry" he whispered again, he sat up looking down at her, he tucked a loose strand of hair away from her face behind her ear, his fingers strayed back to her face and gently traced the line from cheek to jaw. She abandoned any further pretence at sleep, "I'm sorry too, I don't know why I said those things I didn't mean any of them!" He shuddered inwardly at some of the more cutting, hurtful things she'd flung at him during the course of the row that had sprung from nowhere. "I just feel so...so ...so angry all the time" "I know" he shushed her, "It's difficult here but it won't be forever" The anger returned "There you go again, living in cloud cuckoo land, don't you realise this is as good as it's going to get for a long while" Irritated she threw off his hand and rolled away her back, prickly as a hedgehog, facing him. Slowly he lay back, no matter what he said at the moment, even if he apologised straight away for whatever misdemeanour, imagined or real it made no difference, her resentment simmered too deep for that. He closed his eyes but realised he too was too wound up to sleep. Glaring at Becca's recumbent back, he got up and felt his way over to what passed for a kitchen, he flicked the switch on the kettle and listened to it begin to boil. Coffee, he thought, what he needed was beer and lots of it. He hadn't felt the need to drink so much since last New Years Eve even if getting hammered hadn't solved the problem then. At last he flicked the light on over the worktop, measured a stingy amount of coffee into a cup and looked in the fridge. He poured the last of the milk into the cup and watched as it curdled, he let his breath out in a sigh, could life get any worse? He dumped the curdled mess into the sink and left the empty cup on the side amidst a pile of dirty dishes. To him that signalled Becca's descent into depression, normally she'd have had everything in the kitchen spotless no matter where they where but lately she hadn't been bothered about keeping the flat clean or tidy. He looked around in the half light at the mess. Checking she was still sleeping he ran water in the sink, added washing up liquid and tackled the pile of dishes. When he'd finished he tidied around as best he could in the gloom without waking her. He collapsed on the sofa and sighed, it was nearly one. He needed to be up for school in six hours and though exhausted he couldn't sleep, his mind still active, churning over the row and his reception when he returned. True, he shouldn't have gone but what else was there left to do when she wouldn't listen to reason, just wouldn't listen.


	3. Chapter 3

School bell rang for the last time signalling the start of the Christmas holidays, normally he'd be out the door with the first of them but today he felt in no particular hurry to get home. The last few days had been tense with them barely speaking except for the mundane stuff of who was getting what by way of food, who was taking out the rubbish. He felt as if Christmas would pass in the same depressing dreary manner and he was at a loss on how to prevent it. He trudged slowly homewards, he'd even volunteered for extra shifts at Gnosh but all the spareones had already been allocated to students desperate for Christmas cash. He reached the front door and stood for a moment deliberating whether to go in; finally he searched in his pocket for the keys knowing he'd have to face her sometime. He let himself into their room and dropped his bag amazed at the transformation. When he'd left it had been disorganised, untidy, dark and dismal, now the place was spotless, decorated with gaudy trimmings from the market and a small artificial tree complete with lights winked in the corner. She was standing in the middle of the room, "Surprise" she whispered softly "Wow Becca! When did all this happen?" "I woke up this morning and decided I could either wallow in misery for another day or I could get off my backside and do something about this place. You were right about it the other night, this is just temporary. Things will get better but not if I don't have you" He crossed the room to her in a couple of strides and held her "You've always got me Becca, I'm not going anywhere" "But this wasn't what we planned, was it" she asked "We never thought we'd end up here like this" she indicated the room and then looked pointedly at her bump. He rubbed her stomach, "No" he said "we didn't plan on this but I wouldn't have it any other way" "You wouldn't turn back the clock?" she asked tentatively "No" he said more decisively than he felt. She'd made such an effort today, how could he raise the question of whether he was ready to be a father. She relaxed against him, tiredness overtaking her "Listen I'll make dinner, you sit down and relax" "No" she said firmly having tasted his culinary exploits "It'll be more relaxing if you sit down, I've already cooked!" She laughed and turned towards the small stove. She produced two bowls and they ate sat side by side on the small sofa. Later they lay spoon like in the dark and he buried his face in her hair, he thought about the small parcel that lay hidden underneath them, a bottle of her favourite perfume, exquisite and expensive, a book she'd mentioned in a wistful tone, an unnecessary extravagance but he'd managed to track it down. Best of all, a delicate silver bangle set with tiny pieces of turquoise, a gift to replace the one she'd given to Nancy but this one inscribed, she'd probably think it cheesy and tease him endlessly but he couldn't have resisted, amor vincit omnia. He pulled her closer, he couldn't have thought of anything more apt.


	4. Chapter 4

He woke later to feel her squirming against him, he came awake as suddenly as if he'd been drenched in cold water "Becca? Becca are you ok?" She mumbled something incoherent, drowned out by the duvet and he threw it back impatiently. She was having a nightmare, threshing around and muttering. He shook her gently, then harder as she seemed impervious to his efforts. Her eyes fluttered and she opened them, she was shaking, drenched in sweat and confused "Jake?" she whispered in terror, "It's me Becca" he shook her arm "Justin! You're safe! I'm here, I'm here" he held her close and soothed her as a child, repeating the words over and over again. Gradually she became calmer and he felt, ready to tell him the cause of her nightmare. He suspected the truth but it was one of things she refused to discuss, the sorry mess of them going public. "What was it?" he asked "what were you dreaming about?" "I don't remember" she replied. No longer willing to hear the lie, he pressed her "You must remember something, you called out for Jake" bitterness in his voice. "Not _for _him!" she replied without thinking. "Tell me" he persisted gently, she looked at him and he felt her body relax against him "I was in the flat, I wouldn't tell him who, he had me pinned to the wall and was going to..." she shuddered at the memory. Justin held her tighter, "He's never going to do that again, I promise, he'll have to go through me first!" She looked at his face determined and angry, for her and sighed. "He's never going to be that angry with me again Justin, there's no need to defend me" He shushed her with a kiss and stroked her hair; he ran his hand down following the contours of her body swollen with the child, their child he thought proprietarily. He'd never felt this way about it before, that he had a family to defend, his feelings suddenly felt crystallised, it was no longer The Bump, it was a son or daughter, a real person, helpless. He realised she was looking at him puzzled thinking him still angry over Jake, "I'm going to take such good care of you both" She smiled "I know" she said.

4


End file.
